April 18th, 2008

You best jump far

+16 / or Something’s got to give.

This has been a lousy week. I am exhausted. I don’t feel like anyone at my first job likes me. I don’t feel included in anything. No one talks to me unless they have to. When they do, it just seems like they would rather be somewhere else. One woman I work with asked me yesterday why I hardly say anything. I told her I am a different person outside of this place. She asked why, I told her because no one seems to care either way what I’m like here because no one really pays me much attention. Want to know how much attention. We ordered out for lunch today. Food arrives. Mines not there. Apparently they forgot to order it.

Then I find out from Sharlene that her counterpart at my second job asked not to train me. Why? Because she found me intimidating. Apparently me paying attention and catching when there’s a mistake is intimidating. At first I laughed about this, but the more I think about it, the more my feelings are hurt. I admit, I like to be right. But to ask not to be around someone because they like to be right is bit ego crushing.

I feel so … arghhh! I don’t even know anymore. It’s the little things.

I spent my formative years being a wallflower. My ex spent the next ten trying to make me into something other then… It took a long time to realize that I am stronger then anyone gave me credit for. I worked hard to balance being the “good girl” and being kick ass.

And I try to pretend everything’s okay. I try to ignore the niggling feelings but they are there. Inching towards the surface, etched on my skin. I just want to punch someone sometimes. Just to get it out of my system. I’d even settle for a wall at this point.

I am disenchanted with this life of mine.

/rant
  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off
You best jump far

+17

In the immortal words of Walter Kornbluth - What a week I'm having!!

I went to Walmart after work. I needed to pick up a few things. I picked up a lightbulb for one that blew in the kitchen. I also picked up the innards for my toilet so that maybe I could finally flush it like a normal person does.

Well I installed the light bulb, which is on a track with another bulb. I turn on the light... the other one went out.

Oy.

I decided to let that roll off my shoulders. And I started on the bathroom. Anyway... whomever installed the value body previously, screwed everything on too tight and I can't get the old one out. I finally managed to loosen it a bit, but I need counter force to hold the insides while I unscrew the washer under the toilet.... Called Sharlene. She couldn't track down one of her borthers, but her sister Melissa is coming.

While I am waiting, I thought I would grab a drink. I open the fridge and the metal bar that hold the stuff on the door fell off. Along with half my condiments.

I'm telling you. I never should have got up this morning.
  • Current Mood
    infuriated infuriated
You best jump far

+18

Finally something has gone right today.

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Poor Melissa. We couldn't figure out the best way to get the darn washer off (the cause of all the problems). She wasn't afraid to get dirty. She crawled up under there and held the pliers while I twisted from above. Truly the definition of teamwork.
  • Current Mood
    giddy giddy