Lala (lalablue) wrote,

  • Mood:
I am scared.

I'm off to a brillant start.</strike> I have to buy my own toliet paper. I have to buy my own plastic wrap, and trash bags, and toothpaste. I have to feed myself, wash my dishes, and empty the trash. I have clean the toliet and the tub and dust. It's all mine. My own responsibilty. Bloody hell.
I'm excited too. Everything I own will be right where I left it. The dishes, the dirty socks, the papers. I can watch tv in my own living room. I can sleep nakkie and get up to go to the bathroom without having to thow something on. I can shower as long as I want. I can stink up the bathroom.

My hands are shaking. I never shake. My head hurts for stress. I can't sleep well lately. My mind is always in motion. I'm an adult. I don't feel it sometimes. I feel like I am 15 again and have no responsibility. I go to work. I do my thing. I get paid. The budget I've worked out for myself doesn't leave me with much. But I still get the essentials (luxaries). Cable, broadband, heat... I am scared that I'll muck it up. I always did when I with Ken. Will I do it again on my own? How much of him is there in me? What is my fate? Do I even want to know? Do I want to believe in that?

I think this post was more for me then it was for all my friends. I think that I'm just being a drama queen. But I just had to say it. All of it.>

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